Ways to Beat Me in "Never Have I Ever" Because of 2015

I keep thinking my best days are behind me. The way I see it, ever since I've joined the workforce and become part of the 9-5 grind, my life's become a bore. But as I look back on my 2015, I realize that I've experienced plenty of new things and people in the past year. After all, you're only bored if you're boring.

The following list consists of "Never Have I Ever"s that are no longer true:

Never have I ever...

1. been so impressed by an album that I would label it as "fire."
2. been paid to create a web series.
3. been so beat up about something football-related that I actually had shirts made about it.
4. sympathized with State Farm agents.
5. known what ASMR is.
6. doubted myself and my worth because of a silly dress.
7. appeared on Indian television.

8. played a leprechaun in an office setting.
9. built my own website. (You're on it right now.)
10. spent two months reading and writing about rape culture and sexual abuse.
11. worn a salmon-colored tie.
12. seen a UFC fight live.
13. created a "Choose Your Own Adventure" story in my spare time for no reason.

A Modern 'Choose Your Own Adventure'

A Modern 'Choose Your Own Adventure'

14. witnessed the magic that is Paul McCartney basically singing himself "Happy Birthday" in front of 90,000 people.
15. taken an online class. (Thanks, Seth Godin.)
16. had an online publication specifically request to publish something I've written.
17. befriended a raccoon at the beach.
18. had two dudes snort cocaine off a sink in a bar restroom while I peed in a urinal two feet from them.

19. gone crabbing with steak.
20. owned Weezer socks.
21. slept in a tent during a terrible storm.
22. met Walk The Moon.
23. experimented with serial fiction. (I'll get back on the horse if enough people request it. I have episode 5 half-written.)

Dr. Jeremy | Episodes 1-4

Dr. Jeremy | Episodes 1-4

24. made a friend in Malawi.
25. run a moderately successful Medium publication with over 1,200 followers.
26. repurposed a bunch of old articles without anyone noticing.
27. played around with a loop pedal.
28. helped launch a GoFundMe to get my friend and his fiancee a hot tub.
29. had a story reach Medium's Top Stories.
30. actively trolled marriage equality opponents through my company's Twitter account.

31. read Vonnegut.
32. been on a Tinder date that resulted in a second date.
33. cried tears of joy upon hearing an Adele song (immediately followed by actual tears).
34. caved and made a Snapchat account.
35. tried to adopt an adult human via the Internet.

An Open Letter to Bernie Sanders

An Open Letter to Bernie Sanders

36. had two of my fingernails painted without my knowledge.
37. seen Bo Burnham live.
38. driven in the Rocky Mountains.
39. stepped foot inside a LEGAL marijuana dispensary.
40. been to a winery.
41. helped write and shoot a horror short.
 

*I am open to any/all questions regarding this list.